So, How Was it for You?

Christmas is rather like sex. Really? How so?

Just think about it. Some people take a while to warm to the idea; others are up for it right from the word go, any day, any time; there are those who relish the slow build up to a stupendous crescendo, but some enjoy a last minute rush and wouldn't have it any other way. But there are always those that are left feeling disappointed after the event - all that promise and expectation, but in reality you're left feeling ruffled and empty, with a mess to clear up. So what can be done?

If it's not working, then something needs to change. 

Change doesn't necessarily have to be anything too drastic - a change of approach and/or attitude is much simpler and can be surprisingly effective - but it does require a concerted effort and a bit of work to resist the temptation to revert to what went before. And this applies to both sex and Christmas!

In the case of Christmas - there seems to be a real Marmite thing going on. People either love it or hate it. For me, Christmas this year was wonderful, magical and joyous, with lots of giving and receiving -  gifts, food and good company. But it hasn't always been like this. I lost my Christmas mojo for a while and I felt I'd become a real Humbugger - I even had the hat to prove it.

But now I've got it back - and some! So what changed for me?

Firstly I recognised  the fact that I didn't like being a Christmas Grumpalump and wanted to feel the magic of Christmas once more. I then identified all the things I thought I hated about Christmas - the commercialism, the feeling of hollow giving, the competitiveness and the enormous feeling of overwhelm at the thought of shopping and food . And finally I changed my approach completely, and strangely enough, my change in attitude just followed on by itself.

And the one simple thing that made all the difference? 

Asking for help - and accepting it gratefully and gracefully when offered, in it's very varied shape and form. 

I still hate Marmite though - can't win 'em all!

The Best Christmas Present Ever!

Forget elbowing through crowds, late night shopping and on-line trawling. Here's an idea for the best Christmas present ever! 

You don't have to spend a fortune on it - nor do you have to hunt high and low and then spend hours queuing up at the check out. It's suitable for all ages, sizes and genders and it's not difficult to wrap. Veggies will love it just as much as omnivores - it's 100% organic, locally grown and totally PC. It's even compatible across all platforms.

It's very simple, yet powerful and comes in a very neat package. Guessed what it is yet? 

It's TIME. 

Just four little letters, but you can make it last for as long as you want.

Spending QUALITY TIME with family, friends and loved ones at Christmas speaks volumes - far more than anything money can buy. Time allows us to reconnect, to listen and to show that we care.

But surprising though how such a simple gift can prove for some to be so hard to give. 

Time is something we have precious little of in this day and age, so it is important that we use it wisely and we're selective about who we share it with. What a wonderful gift it is to be able to give 100% of our undivided attention to those closest to our hearts. We can exercise a little self-discipline by switching off  the TV and our mobile phones; if we don't double-book then we won't need to clock watch or plan our exit before we've even sat down. We need to allow ourselves time to give quality time to others.

So how much will you be giving this Christmas? 

Would You Have Done This Too?

We all do it, even though we know (or should know) better. We tell ourselves, our juniors, our peers and dependents not to do it - and we all take heed. But from time to time, we forget ourselves and before we know it - there we go, we've done it again! 

I'm one of these people. I'm guilty of all of the above - and yet I still managed to do it the other day, knowing full well that I really do know better. 

'Did what?' I hear you ask.

I made a judgement about a person based solely on what I saw. I made my assessment within the requisite 10 seconds, and would have based the whole of the rest of the encounter on this scant information had it not have been for this person making the effort (and knowing what I know now, it really was a supreme effort) to reach out to connect with me. And I'm bitterly disappointed in myself because I feel now that it should have been the other way round - I should have reached out to this person, and not with my 'therapist' hat on, but with my 'empathetic, normal human being' hat on.

What I saw was a person who looked rather disheveled, with multi-coloured hair, tattoos, piercings, weird clothes* and frankly in need of a good wash. None of these things were particularly outlandish, but most noticeable was the spaced-out look and lack of eye contact. It was this that led me to make my first wrong assumption - druggie, I thought. How wrong was I.

I could feel myself looking for excuses to cut short our encounter, but through this person's tenacity, our conversation persisted and it eventually came to light that they had suffered a recent, extremely tragic loss - the worst possible kind - the sudden death of an infant. 

And then it all made sense. That's what shock does to us - we retreat into our shell to hide away from further hurt, so that to the outside world we appear to be functioning, but in fact we are really only existing. The expression 'lights on, but no-one at home' says it all. 

If I had met this person in my treatment room, I would have carried out a treatment to counteract this very obvious reaction to shock without hesitation. And I would have persisted in establishing and maintaining a connection, because support, understanding and a listening ear were what they were crying out for. 

And I was too busy formulating my judgement to hear.

*There you go - another judgement. Weird by whose standards?

'Tis the Season to be Merry (Nearly)

With the Festive Season almost upon us, this is traditionally the time when we eat, drink and be merry – but some of us do it a little bit too much! 

So here's a shout out to all those people who feel that they have over-indulged on food, alcohol, smoking or recreational drugs, and are in need of a detox.

A one-off treatment may be all that is needed to cleanse the system sufficiently to get you back on your party fee again!

And to all those to whom this doesn't apply (yet) - keep this one tucked behind your ear for Ron.

Enjoy!

Have We Lost that Loving Touch?

Touch is arguably the most important of our five senses. An impairment or lack of hearing, sight, smell and taste may be inconvenient in the short term and debilitating to varying degrees in the long term, but generally it is possible to compensate for these losses and adapt behaviour accordingly.

However, the same cannot be said about the sense of touch. For many species in the animal kingdom, and for humans in particular, touch is essential in promoting and maintaining good health and emotional well-being. Scientific studies have shown that touch deprivation contributes to illness at many levels, including failure to thrive, increased stress levels, increased aggression, sleep difficulties, suppressed immune responses and a higher incidence of cardiovascular disease. (Suffering with any of these conditions? www.jobanthorpe.co.uk)

In many Eastern cultures, the sense of touch is embraced across the generations and is traditionally incorporated into daily routines eg Indian head massage, Thai body massage. Sadly, this is far from the norm in Western society. From the moment we are born, our tactile experiences become less and less frequent and are gradually withdrawn from our daily lives.

As babies, we have continual exposure to the comfort and nurture of our mother’s womb that surrounds us as we develop to full term. As infants, we are nursed as we are fed, but even at this early stage new Mums often feel guilty and are even discouraged from picking up their babies too often for fear of ‘spoiling’ them. Many toddlers and young children still enjoy cuddles and a story at bedtime (assuming these are offered), and will snuggle down to sleep with their favourite soft toy. But all too soon, stories and hugs are replaced by technology – many school-aged kids have a TV or computer in their bedroom and it is a DVD that helps them drift off to sleep, and all too soon snuggly toys are considered to be distinctly un-cool. So by the age of 10, many children have few genuinely loving and nurturing tactile experiences in the course of their daily lives.

By adolescence, touch takes on a whole new meaning and may come with sexual connotations and implications, whilst touch in adulthood can be associated with feelings of expectation that may or may not be appropriate, wanted or welcome, along with feelings of guilt which are associated with rejection or impropriety. Perhaps the most isolated and touch-deprived of today’s generations are the elderly. They may have seen children grown up and flown the nest, lost a long-term partner or be confined to a hospital bed or nursing home where the staff are far too busy for any ‘hands on’ caring. By this time, physical contact may be limited to the administration of medical procedures and a brief hug or peck on the cheek from the occasional visitor.

The irony of this is that even our Health Service recognises the importance of touch in the management of long-term illness and certain medical conditions - premature babies are often laid on fleeces to stimulate their sensory receptors and encourage them to thrive; ‘Pat Dogs’ are encouraged onto some wards, particularly in Geriatrics.

Touch is critical for learning, communication, comfort, reassurance and self-esteem. It is a fact of today’s life that fear of sexual abuse is so widespread that any form of touch is frowned upon and forbidden in some cases, particularly in the instance of adults working with youngsters. Children who experience little in the way of loving, nurturing and comforting touch in their developmental years learn to become self-reliant at a very early age, which in turn increases the tendency to become disconnected, numb and isolated.

As humans, it is our natural instinct to reach out and want to touch and be touched – both actions are necessary in order to maintain a healthy balance in our mind and body. However, in the touch-deprived person there exist simultaneously feelings of starvation and fear. There is a deep need and even desperation for physical and emotional contact, but this may be counteracted by the feeling of terror associated with the thought of the harm that may come if they allow themselves to relate to another person in any way. Our means of survival under these circumstances are to mask our needs, put up barriers, to convince ourselves that our needs don’t even exist and to keep people at arm’s length – just as we feel they are doing to us. In so doing, we become completely unreceptive to any lifeline that might be out there, and become incapable of reaching out.

The widespread use of drugs and alcohol also contributes significantly to the lack of receptivity to touch. Stimulants can make us feel cold and jumpy to the sense of touch; tranquilizers and alcohol can dull our senses and depress the system.

Getting back in touch with ourselves, our needs and our bodies is essential - and it is simple to do, but it does require a conscious effort and a strong degree of intention. The physical and emotional benefits to our health and well-being will become noticeable very quickly and will have far reaching, long term effects.

Simplest of all is to re-sensitise ourselves by touching our own body in a non-sexual, nurturing way. This enables us to re-learn how we like to be touched, either lightly, deeply, firmly, vigourously, moving or still.

Touch your partner – again in a non-sexual, nurturing manner. Talk about your experiences, your likes and dislikes, agree your boundaries, ask permission to gain trust and respect. The experience should be one of giving and receiving rather than giving and taking, and should always be without expectation.

Touch a friend – shaking hands, a hand of the shoulder and a big hug show support, speak volumes and can replace a thousand words.

Touch a four-legged friend – this promotes a two-way flow of unconditional love and affection, although dogs would really rather have your food – but at least they’re honest about it!

Allow yourself to be touched, both emotionally and physically. Watch a film or read a book that includes scenes of affection and love, and notice the feelings that resonate within you. Book yourself a professional massage and promise yourself to make more time for ‘Me Time’, because if you don't look after Number One, then who will?

All I want for Christmas is ....A BABY

Traditionally a time for families, the magic of Christmas is just delightful when shared with little ones. It can also be an extremely stressful time however, particularly for women who are having difficulty with conceiving.

By far the most frequent enquiry I have in my Practice is from women who have been trying to get pregnant. Predominantly (but not exclusively)these are women in their mid to late thirties who have not as yet managed to conceive naturally,  may have suffered one or multiple miscarriages or are at varying stages of IVF. Most have gone through exhaustive tests with their partners, only to be told that there is no apparent explanation other than ‘it’s just not happening’. Distressing enough to find out that there is in fact a problem with either partner, but to be given no reason at all is perhaps the worst news that a couple trying for a baby could ever wish to hear. This is when disappointment, stress, anxiety and guilt are at their peak – and none of these emotions are conducive to conception.

So why is there such a high incidence of fertility issues? Undoubtedly stress is a hugely significant factor, as is lifestyle and diet. We work harder, longer and under greater pressure than ever before, we’re exhausted when we get home and make do with ‘quick fix’ processed meals. And then we go out and play even harder! It’s no wonder our bodies are feeling the strain.

Another factor is age.  A woman is at her most fertile at around 24 years of age, whereas a man can father children in his 70’s or older.  But nowadays it seems that couples are leaving it later and later before thinking about starting a family – and not surprisingly so. More than ever has it been necessary for both partners to be in full-time employment as house prices, student debt and general cost of living demand that this is so. Few 24-year old women these days would be anywhere near ready financially or indeed emotionally to give up work, settle down and raise a family. By the time they do feel ready, stress is often already an ingrained factor of their lives, exacerbated by the knowledge that their biological clock is ticking away fast.

Five Element Acupuncture offers a relaxing, drug –free approach to coping with fertility issues and may be safely undertaken in conjunction with conventional Western Medicine protocols. It aims to help the patient to find a better emotional and physical balance, so that the body is better prepared for conception. It also offers invaluable emotional support at a time when hormone levels may be very volatile eg before, during and after IVF, after miscarriage and failed attempts at conception.

Stoptober didn't work for you? Read on ...

‘No-one likes a quitter’ - we've all heard that saying.  Valid point at times, but in certain instances it’s good to be a quitter.

I’m talking about smoking. During last month's Stoptober campaign, many smokers will have taken the initiative to attempt to stop smoking. But now that we're into November, there will be several who may have lost momentum and who are now struggling.

Smoking is used by many initially as a coping mechanism for stress. Before long, the coping mechanism develops from being a hard habit to break into an addiction - and in turn may become an additional source of stress as well as being detrimental to our physical well-being. Prolonged stress leaves the body out of balance, and quitting will always fail if the source of stress is not resolved and the body remains in a state of imbalance. 

Five Element Acupuncture offers a safe, drug-free and relaxing way to de-stress and regain a better balance physically and emotionally, giving you a better chance of kicking the habit once and for all.