I continued to see Lee at home and he was in good spirits, though his breathing was once again becoming laboured. I was finally able to use moxa* again and he really benefited from its warming effect on a particularly nourishing point. Lee’s breathing eased significantly after treatment and I noticed that some warmth had finally returned to his hands.
He was able to talk lucidly and candidly, but was anxious because he had been tetchy with Nicki. He said he didn't want to be like that with her but didn't seem able to stop himself. I explained that his Guardian Element** was extremely out of balance and that anger and resentment were classic tell-tale signs. I also told him that it was typical of this Element to need a throng of people around them, and like a child, they were likely to feel abandoned when people didn't respond to their every beck and call. As it turned out, this was exactly how he had been feeling.
He told me that he had felt abandoned for most of his life, and he harboured a deep-seated anger and resentment towards his mother, relating to a particular incident in his childhood (he never told me exactly what it was). He had never broached the subject with his mother, and as she was now living in the US they hadn't seen each other for 15 years, but had spoken briefly every couple of months.
His mother was coming over to the UK in a couple of weeks time and he agreed that this was likely to be his last chance to talk about the issue and hopefully bring about some degree of resolution, acceptance and forgiveness. He also agreed that whilst it was easy to point fingers of blame, it was also possible to find the ability to understand and hopefully forgive.
There are times when a parent or carer is only able to give their limited best at any particular time, especially if they are struggling with their own emotional turmoil. Sometimes this may not feel nearly enough to satisfy the child’s emotional needs and he may be left wanting more, or wondering why it is that he doesn’t deserve more. Some may equate this feeling to that of being abandoned.
*moxa - a dried herb, mugwort, which is burned and used to warm points before needling
**Guardian Element – our dominant element (one of Fire, Earth, Metal, Water or Wood) which brings a particular emphasis or quality to our lives. The Guardian Element bears the brunt of any trauma and stress we may be experiencing, showing its distress by becoming out of balance and through physical and emotional signs.